The Stalker

A few weeks ago when we ordered scaffolding from a local rental company, the creep...I mean gentleman, who worked there helped Patty unload the truck. He enquired as to what projects we had going, and she told him we were refurbishing our old barn and building a chicken coop and chicken run. He said he would love to come see it one day, and my Patty who trusts everyone said, "sure! Come on out sometime." When she got in the truck I asked her what her new best friend had said. She told me and I told her that was creepy. For the record, she called me paranoid...
3 weeks later we rented the hydraulic auger again from the same company. And guess who dropped it off?? Creepy McCreeperson. I can't even describe him...he reminds me of someone I've seen on TV....Not sure if it was Lawnmower Man or on The Muppets but it still bugs me... I was in an extreme hurry because we had to get Mariah to her track meet...and Norman Bates wanted a freakin tour of the farm. "Aren't you going to show me your projects?" he asked. I felt like dragging Patty down to deal with him, but since we were in a hurry I pointed..."barn", "chicken coop" etc. He wanted my help getting his truck out of the field, but I told him I had to go. I left him there...greatful the babies were padlocked in their coop.
When we got back home, Jeffery Dahmer was gone, and we were able to start putting our holes in the ground. We expected it to take a few hours...but 13 holes took us all day. After a quick visit from my mom and Steve we called it a day.
On Sunday morning we went out to breakfast leaving the gate open so Ted Bundy could come get the auger. When we got home it was still there. We started putting our posts in the ground and I got an "URGENT" message on my cell phone around 4 o'clock from Jack the Ripper. So I called him back and he said he hadn't come out to get the auger because I hadn't called to say I was done. I told him he said he would be back at ten that morning. He assured me I wouldn't be charged for the extra day, and that he would come get it Monday, the following day. He then asked me what time I left for work the next day, and I said, "early".
I was really proud of the work P and I did that day. We got 3 posts in, and the 2x12planks connecting them. It looked like the stocks people were kept in during the wild west except without the holes. We were badasses!
The next morning about 10:30, Freddy Kreuger called me on my cell phone at work. The conversation went a little something like this...*____* Names and businesses are made up...all though I don't know why I am giving the courtesy...guess I don't want to provoke Pennywise anymore than necessary...
ME: "Hello?"
PSYCHO: "Hi this is *Loser* from *Fisher Price Rentals*. I'm just calling to let you know I picked up the auger, but you knew I was getting the auger, and when you get home tonight, and see its gone, you would have probably guessed I got it, so I guess I didn't have to call...."
ME:"Ok...Thank you."
PSYCHO: "I really like the job you guys did this weekend...it looks great..." (he had to walk around to the other side of the barn to see what we did,) "and the chickens look happy and are doing good today..."(Had to peek into a window in the barn to see them) "and I guess I just wanted to let you guys know, that I really want to be a part of this out here! I am off Wednesdays and Thursdays and Friday evenings...and I want to offer my physical labor to help..."
ME:?!?!?!?!?!"Thanks, but we've got it..."
PSYCHO: "I had a heck of a time loading the auger by myself...good thing I lost all that weight...it would have been nice to have a hand though...Well do you want my cell phone number? Wait, you already have it because I am calling you from it..."
ME: (Note to self)
PSYCHO: "Soooo...give me a call, you have my number...and I really want to give you a hand..."
ME: "I really need to get back to work..."
PSYCHO: "Ok...well um...goodbye."
I immediately text P to let her know we weren't going to be renting from *Fisher Price Rentals* again. She asked why and I filled her in on the phone call. It freaked her out and pissed her off equally, and we both agreed the only thing Michael Meyers was going to be a part of was the back of our fucking shovel. I mean, if he is going to peek in our barn, is he going to peek in our house windows too? Would he call again? Or show up? We agreed to keep the gate to the property locked, and the alarm on the house set. I called my neighbor who is retired and home all the time, to let them know what happened and to call if they see a *Fisher Price Rentals* truck. P wanted to call the company, but I didn't want to give Candyman a reason to call or visit again...We agreed we would call the manager if he made an attempt to contact us again...which he hasn't...
I explained to P that although I am extremely proud of the fact that its all women who run this house...we don't need to advertise to perfect strangers that we're alone out here.
Since The Boston Strangler visited, P has been answering the door with the gun....we rarely have visitors. Funny that we've had more in the last few weeks than in the last year. Patty almost took the census taker out last week.
As for me? I don't think the Canadian Pig Farmer will be back....but I am ready with my shovel...and it's not too late to bury someone behind the barn....